Fool us once, shame on you. Try to fool us twice, you're transported.

I laughed while reading the case on Old Bailey Online today, but not because of the crime itself, which was another theft. It was the snide opinion of the court stenographer that crept into the account.

Charles Dickens worked as a court stenographer. No wonder he wrote such colorful characters, especially the thieves and pickpockets. I bet he saw plenty of real Artful Dodgers in his day.

Now to today's case:

Samuel Cobb and John Ryley were charged with stealing two pewter gallon pots from a wine merchant. The evidence against them comes via their former partner-in-crime, John Brown, who escapes being charged by turning "evidence," or testifying against them. He says that Ryley was the look-out, Cobb the one who took the pots, which were hidden behind a pump before they went back intending to take the money-box. But by that time, the theft had been discovered, so they took the pots and ran.

Brown got paid off and went his own way. There was another man in cahoots with them, Moses Holloway, but he doesn't get charged, presumably because he turned evidence in another case of theft regarding some tea.

Cobb declares that they shouldn't listen to Brown, who's been twice transported (!!) under a different name.

Four people then testify as to Cobb's character -- that he's one fine upstanding citizen. Prior to forensics and video surveillance, this was the sort of evidence the court had to rely on.

Cobb and Ryley are acquitted.

However, Sam Cobb is ordered tried for another theft, of a gown from a clothesline. He was seen taking the gown and caught.

The man who caught him, James Jephson, is asked, "How came you to go after him?"

He replies (I imagine this with a look that says, Are you an idiot?"): "By Reason the last Witness cried out Stop Thief!"

Ha!

So Cobb's caught red-handed, as it were. But lo! The court stenographer writes:

"All Cobb's Friends and Neighbours appeared for him again, as upon his former Trial, saying they never heard any hurt of him, a very sober honest Man;"

Then our anonymous court stenographer writes:

"either they must have been very ignorant of his Conduct, which can hardly be imagined, or, what is to be feared, much worse, all perjured; for he is the very Person that was tried the last Sessions; was taken among a Nest of Thieves, and appeared to the Court to be a very bad young Fellow."

Oh, snap!

Cobb is found guilty and ordered transported. But does he take this like the tough guy I can imagine he pretended to be? Nope.

"he cried, and pleaded hard not to be sent out of his native Country, but he was too well known to be suffered to remain any longer in his own."

Double snap!

But really, the thing I love about this is the point of view of the court stenographer that sneaks in. I can see a secondary character there for sure, and possibly a hero who somehow gets involved in a case.

A "very bad boy" or betrayed?

Many of the Old Bailey cases involve pick-pocketing, and today's case from 1754 is no exception.

John Weatley was charged with stealing the handkerchief of Charles Appleby. According to Appleby, "I saw the glimpse of something fly by the side of my face, and turning saw the prisoner with my silk handkerchief in his hand. I took him by the collar. He said he would go with me where I pleased. I took him to the Fountain Tavern, sent for a constable, and he was secured."

Appleby later testifies that he'd used the handkerchief about "three minutes" before. (Let me pause here for an "eeeuuww.")

John's defense: "I never did such a thing in my life. Please to examine Mr. Lilley to my character."

Wrong guy to ask, Johnny Boy, because Mr. Lilley says, "He is a very bad boy, I have seen him a drawer at an alehouse, he has been here two or three times, and is as bad a boy as can be."

A drawer can mean one who draws -- pours -- liquor. However, according to my dictionary of historical slang, to draw can also mean to pick pockets. I'm not exactly sure which one Mr. Lilley means here. However, I presume by "here" he means at the Old Bailey. In other words, Johnny's apparently been arrested and charged before.

Whatever he meant, Mr. Lilley's words are damning and John is sentenced to transportation for seven years. Value of the handkerchief he allegedly stole? Two shillings and sixpence.

Aside from the low value of the item that gets John transported, two things stand out for me here as story seedlings.

The first is Appleby's description of getting a glimpse of something flying by his face that alerted him to the theft.

Now, just how tall and how old is Johnny? Or was Appleby crouching? This sounds as if Johnny was waving it as he ran by, or pulled it out and held it aloft. Not too subtle there.

The other thing is Johnny's calling Mr. Lilley to speak up for him, only to have Lilley vehemently denounce him.

There's no hint as to what relationship Lilley had with the defendant, which means I'm free to come up with my own. Lilley could be a former employer, relative, or friend of the family. Clearly Johnny didn't expect him to denounce him, or surely he wouldn't have called on the guy.

So what's with the betrayal of Johnny? Maybe Johnny deserved it. Maybe he's been blackmailing Lilley and when he's caught, expects Lilley to get him off and Lilley doesn't, perhaps seeing this as a chance to get rid of Johnny.

Or maybe Johnny's not the "bad boy" Lilley paints, but Lilley wants him out of the way. If I were using this in a romance, Lilley could have designs on Johnny's sister and sees this as a chance to get him out of the picture.

How's Sis going to feel when she finds out what happened? How would Lilley excuse his testimony? What if Sis isn't in London? This is a minor case, so I don't think it'd make the papers; she'd have to take Lilley's word for what happened. He could lie.

What if Johnny's our hero and returns to England after seven plus years, only now he's rich, having made a bundle in America (Australia not being used for this purpose until 1788, although of course you could set this later) and has revenge on his mind? What if Sis is dead? What if Sis is alive and married to Lilley? What if there are kids?

What if Appleby was in on the false conviction? That might explain that rather fanciful description.

Either way, seven years transportation is one tough sentence for such a crime.