Fool us once, shame on you. Try to fool us twice, you're transported.

I laughed while reading the case on Old Bailey Online today, but not because of the crime itself, which was another theft. It was the snide opinion of the court stenographer that crept into the account.

Charles Dickens worked as a court stenographer. No wonder he wrote such colorful characters, especially the thieves and pickpockets. I bet he saw plenty of real Artful Dodgers in his day.

Now to today's case:

Samuel Cobb and John Ryley were charged with stealing two pewter gallon pots from a wine merchant. The evidence against them comes via their former partner-in-crime, John Brown, who escapes being charged by turning "evidence," or testifying against them. He says that Ryley was the look-out, Cobb the one who took the pots, which were hidden behind a pump before they went back intending to take the money-box. But by that time, the theft had been discovered, so they took the pots and ran.

Brown got paid off and went his own way. There was another man in cahoots with them, Moses Holloway, but he doesn't get charged, presumably because he turned evidence in another case of theft regarding some tea.

Cobb declares that they shouldn't listen to Brown, who's been twice transported (!!) under a different name.

Four people then testify as to Cobb's character -- that he's one fine upstanding citizen. Prior to forensics and video surveillance, this was the sort of evidence the court had to rely on.

Cobb and Ryley are acquitted.

However, Sam Cobb is ordered tried for another theft, of a gown from a clothesline. He was seen taking the gown and caught.

The man who caught him, James Jephson, is asked, "How came you to go after him?"

He replies (I imagine this with a look that says, Are you an idiot?"): "By Reason the last Witness cried out Stop Thief!"

Ha!

So Cobb's caught red-handed, as it were. But lo! The court stenographer writes:

"All Cobb's Friends and Neighbours appeared for him again, as upon his former Trial, saying they never heard any hurt of him, a very sober honest Man;"

Then our anonymous court stenographer writes:

"either they must have been very ignorant of his Conduct, which can hardly be imagined, or, what is to be feared, much worse, all perjured; for he is the very Person that was tried the last Sessions; was taken among a Nest of Thieves, and appeared to the Court to be a very bad young Fellow."

Oh, snap!

Cobb is found guilty and ordered transported. But does he take this like the tough guy I can imagine he pretended to be? Nope.

"he cried, and pleaded hard not to be sent out of his native Country, but he was too well known to be suffered to remain any longer in his own."

Double snap!

But really, the thing I love about this is the point of view of the court stenographer that sneaks in. I can see a secondary character there for sure, and possibly a hero who somehow gets involved in a case.